Lucy (Using One Hundred Per Cent Of Her Brain)
by Fifty Shades of Parody
Summary: A very fat woman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "Where'd you get that pig?" The woman rudely responds, "It's not a pig, it's a duck." "Excuse me, ma'am," the bartender says, "but I was talking to the duck."


p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain at all times to make sure I am where I told her I'd be./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain being nosy./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain getting me to do what she wants./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain but she STILL can't learn to put the toilet seat down before she sits./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to tell me ALL about her day./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain... but not in the kitchen./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to gossip./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain watching soap operas./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain NOT cleaning house./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and STILL forgets to take her birth control pills./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to read Fifty Shades of Grey./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain anticipating the new Fifty Shades of Grey movie./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to accuse me of flirting with other girls./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and is jealous of any other girl who can use 100% of THEIR brain./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain trying to decide whether she should get a boob job or not./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and still can't tell if her purse matches her shoes./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and still believes me when I tell her that, no, she doesn't look fat in that./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain yet can't seem to find the weight-room./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain not understanding when I say I'm not thinking about anything, it means I'm not thinking about anything./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain, but tears are still her greatest defense./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to get what she wants./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain talking... and talking... and talking.../p  
p style="text-align: center;"-and talking.../p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and all she thinks about is getting married./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain thinking of reasons to hate my family./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain... but still can't lose those last five pounds./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain. She knows how to bring a pot of water to a boil using her mind, but doesn't know how to do it using the stove./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain being all that and a bag of chips./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain to explain why I can no longer hang out with my friends./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain, so why does she always have to be throwing it in the face of my last girlfriend?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain being all up into everybody's business./p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain, so why's it MY job to clean the toilets?/p  
p style="text-align: center;"-My new girlfriend Lucy uses 100% of her brain and all I got was this lousy t-shirt./p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p 


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